A Tough Year to Let Go
We are officially one week into 2022 & let me tell ya… 2021 was a tough chapter to close but after much reflecting…let me tell ya….
I was soommethiiinnggg like an emotional wreck the morning of New Year’s Eve…
From losing my favorite uncle—who always helped me however he could & made sure I knew how much he believed in me; my grandfather—foreverrrr my most handsome man (I’ll always be his fav); a friend from work who I held closely to my heart; my great-uncle—who will forever be one of a kind & my dearest uncle Geno—who always made sure to see me, whether I was visiting my parents for 24hrs or a week, he’d be there…even with a rib injury (lolll). I also lost my grandmother Emma, her condition was bad for years, so every time I went to visit her in the nursing home, I always said goodbye, as if it were my last. She hadn’t remembered me for quite some time but I made sure to never forget her.
…overall, I felt guilty.
It was as if everything that had occurred was being displayed again as a final goodbye. I had to remember, although we were counting down to a new year, I still had the memories to hold on to. I was being forced to look at myself & ask, have you truly moved on? The truth is, I hadn’t, I just fell into a routine of knowing I’ll randomly break down emotionally then I’d be okay…kiiinndaaa like a lather, rinse, repeat sorta thing (odd, I know but grieving is odd in itself). Although it was a tough day & TOM didn’t make it any better (hormones was at an all time high okkaayyyyy!!), I needed it.
I’m thankful for my parents, who reminded me, “Feel what you feel—be real about it but no matter what, we don’t give up.” They always see Jazzy Baby break down from time to time but they make sure she gets back up.
Life goes by fast & people are taken even quicker. So for 2022, I’m demanding more from myself in every aspect—so when ya see me posting “I’m a G baby”—know that’s my personal declaration of YOLO! But if ya girl gets too carried away…mind ya bidness, that’s all, just…just miiinndd ya bidness (lol shoutout to my Fresh Prince fans. Martin will forever me be fav though)! In all seriousness, although I’m handling the transition of xoJR becoming a business & having my own clients (saying that still tickles my pickle)… I know I deserve even more & I’m commanding more from myself to ensure I get it. As much as I want to stay in bed some days & live off of the memories, I can’t. I owe everyone I lost much more than that because they believed in me until their last breath.
To those in my life, who unknowingly help me everyday…I’ll always thank you, for loving me. Now 2022… what’s the muthafuckin deeaaallll babyyy?! Take me out to diinnerrr haahha
Chat soon,
xoJR
